A hell of a week, friends... It's been a hell of a week.
Right now I am glad that the one passing is almost over, while a part of me is almost stressed at what will come in the next one.
Right now I am seeking a release, a mental hit of the reset switch. Woefully all the old mechanisms I used to emply for just that are simply not there. With our move to PA a lot of what was my other support structure has faded with distance. Oh I can reach out and touch them by phone, or email, but the physicality of what was is not there where I so desire it.
Being who and what I am has many different levels, each one with it's own sets of wants, desires, even needs to keep them all nourished, satiated, nurtured, and comforted.
While I find many of those things taken care of through my spouse, my family, and friends both new and old, there still are major gaps that want for something to come, to fill them, to assuage the needs, of the spirt, the mind, and yes the body.
I can't add anything more to this. A large bit of me wants me to hit delete, and forget I even wrote this, but another part speaks to let it out and hopefully heal in it's own way. There is so much more I would say, needs I would describe but not in this public a place. THose who want to know mearly have to ask and would tell them all they want to know, and perhaps more, but from those who do not know me... We all need secrets to guard the fragility of our hearts, and minds.
Enough....
TIme to go enjoy a meal with family on this... Father's day.
